So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
