i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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