Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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