She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
