Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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