I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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