omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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