im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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