you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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