i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
