I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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