If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize