grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize