I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
