Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
