I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
