Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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