Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
barbara walters just said penis...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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