that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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