it was like his penis was on wheels.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
