why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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