I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
