I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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