I faked an abortion last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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