so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
