if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
