Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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