Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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