im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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