I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
4 words: hood of his car
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
