so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
