She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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