its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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