Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
