We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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