At least make sure they are 18
Why
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
