Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
