your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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