the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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