i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
