I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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