Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
