when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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