hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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