We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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