that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize