One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
