Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
