toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
