I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
