i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
