We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
