someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
