I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
