I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
