so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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