I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
