Farmville is her only friend.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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