So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
