he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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