trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
