I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
