We're facebook friends in real life
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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