So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
