Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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