Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
