I heard we made out
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
