Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
