Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
